The music of what happens
- I’ve heard it said that “architecture is like frozen music“ [Frank Lloyd Write] now think of not only the most amazing building you’ve ever seen but also your favorite song…
You might be asking yourself what does any of this have to do with fatherhood and children? Well the answer is, metaphorically, quite a bit. We are the architects of our children, we mold and shape them and most importantly we build them up. When you think of how many times the word no, don’t, or any other negative feedback type thing exits our mouths, it immediately effects our kids, but also slowly shapes them as well. Often times no is completely necessary word to use, as is don’t and all of the other words that we use in the negative, but it’s also the context that’s important. We need to make a conscious effort to build our children up and not knock them down. This can be done in a variety of ways, something as simple as spilling something accidentally on a new carpet, your immediate response is usually negative. If we were to take the time to instead put the emphasis on another aspect of this accident, for example: see learning to use a big person cup is harder then you thought- or, do ya think you coulda tried spilling this in the sink?!
Our reflex action is usually swift and harsh when it comes to anger or wrong behaviors or even accidents. A shift in the consciousness is in order, but we have to always be conscious of it in order for it to be realized. In other words we have to be aware of the fact that we tend to turn two things in the negative as our first response and to try and educate ourselves as to how to use a different optic when addressing our children so that we use the opportunity to build them up, much like that favorite building when envisioned earlier in this blog. It took a long series of extremely complicated steps, sometimes inventing the methods on the way, sometimes reimagining situations in place of old existing ones. If we think in terms of architecture while we are looking to raise our children think of using questionable material to build high and grand. It may look magnificent but it’s actually a facade and can crumble at any moment. We want to use the best tools we can get our hands on and surround ourselves with experienced people that cannot only put this together efficiently but also giving it the best possible sheen which is to be then given to the world, after all it does is take a community to raise a child. We want to use the best tools we can get our hands on and surround ourselves with experienced people that cannot only put this together efficiently but also giving it the best possible sheen which is to be then given to the world, after all it does take a community to raise a child.
Secondly: the music… Have you ever heard your favorite song sung in a way that was different from your favorite version of it? For example, have you ever heard a heavy metal song done through country music? At first it hits you like a ton of bricks ( a cheap architectural reference lol)… then after a while we get used to the idea and may even prefer the different one to the original. This is a direct parallel between our influence on our kids are friends influence on our kids, and ultimately the worlds influence on our kids. Now widen the scope a little bit further… Did you ever wonder why an orchestra uses sometimes 15 flutes? Or 20 violins? Or why an average Band has one of each standard instrument, versus having two drummers or two guitar players or even two singers? Again, this is no accident nor is it redundant, this is an example of how to enhance the sound, enlighten each nuance of each note, while supporting the central theme… each friend that our child makes will invariably be a variation of the proceeding friend… There are certain qualities in people that are children find agreeable to them and so they befriend these types of people in numbers. These types of people are of course extensions of the parents influence on the children scale down to the age appropriate range of the child and their friends. This of course enhances the desirable behavior and traits, for better or worse unfortunately… no it is not for me to suggest your child seek out his/her solo act for the sake of preserving good behavior, nor to engage in the world of bad behavior, this is why we help choose the positive things that…sound pleasant to us. We immediately recoil when we hear a sharp tongue, or see bad manners played out. This is the equivalent of scratching the needle across the record. The melody that fits best in our ear is one that we aspire to teach to our kids which is kind words and good manners. It would be wrong to say that this is always going to be the way it is. But we as parents have the privilege and pleasure of conducting this music so to speak. It is ours to decide what type of manners fit where, in which ways to treat people are best. On the other hand it’s also ours to illustrate how our children respond and react to things that are unlike what we have demonstrated for them. Their world is very different than ours was when we were their age, their world has been reduced to a 5.5 inch screen that contains every feasible type of chaos and vice imaginable, as well as every fantastic amazing piece of knowledge ever known! But we as conductors of the music of what happens are tasked with writing the best song we can with the instrument that is our child or children. That instrument carries our tune, the tune of our family as well as the tune of our experience. We want that tune to be carried loud and proud through our community because that’s our song, and if you listen real close the songs are pretty similar where our children and up being most often. This is the influence of us, this is the reflection of the comfort they feel in that frequency, so they find each other and the music fits like those 20 violins, those 15 flutes, the symphony is what our community carries with it if we’ve been persistent and resilient enough to call the tune… you know the words… help me sing along… (::)