Happy Fathers Day
So, it’s Father’s Day!! How do you feel?! How does your family celebrate this day? What is your favorite part of Father’s Day and why?! Do you have a annual event or an organized party? What part of Father’s Day do you find most rewarding?
As you ponder what the answer to these questions are, take a long long look at how you are being celebrated and who is closest to you on this day. It’s not a popularity issue, is an issue simply of the gesture. Just because someone did not make any ceremonial speech, or an elaborate gift does not mean that you are being taken for granted… perhaps your reward is simply to just enjoy the day, the time, and then honor of having made a child or children to gift to the world. For example- my oldest simply held me tight, looked at me deep in my eyes and said “I love you daddy”… it meant an enormous amount to me, even though my kiddo tells me the same thing every day. I am his mother and his father simultaneously, and so our relationship is very different.. very rewarding but often times extremely difficult as a result of my reluctance to discipline him they way his mother would while we were blessed to have her. One of the things I was very proud of was imparting to my son a disuse to learn, to ask questions, and the think really carefully before speaking. I encouraged him to challenge and to be assertive without being arrogant or presumptuous. I explained to him that I would never ask you to do something either haven’t done or wouldn’t do, I am also open to meaningful discourse when he defies me, which doesn’t happen all the time but when it does I make sure to listen to his reasoning. If his reasoning gives me pause, he has expressed himself intellectually and with a degree of passion, we may usually just agree to disagree and compromise. I certainly understand that this is not always a great practice, and makes his daily chores quite dufficult to enforce, as well as some other unforeseen circumstances to unfold. But I always find it extremely important to make sure that he is assertive, and that he is thinking critically, but most importantly I need him to understand that he is being heard and excepted as a person. His opinion and his thoughts are very important to me.
Conversely, if you are a father who is a strange from his children for any reason at all I am very curious as to how this day sits in your conscience. I have worked with families who have been divided for a litany of different reasons, and sometimes it is just a result of shall we say growing pains. It doesn’t matter why, what matters is how you feel about it. If this is something you would like to work on may I offer myself as a source to someone who can bridge this gap between yourself and your children. Sometimes all that is needed is an objective person to bounce your thoughts and feelings off of and help you get a jumpstart in your direction toward. All you would need to do is call Beginning’s and ask for someone to direct you to the PAT program, we are highly trained have a kids of family strengthening and have numerous experiences between us to draw upon to assist in some form or fashion. While our program is exclusive to parents with their kids, it is not uncommon for us to give some type of guidance or advocacy and helping families, mothers or fathers, learn the skill sets necessary to be reunited with their children.
lastly, if you are anything like me, Father’s Day is the day that I like to reflect… I’ll try and remember all of the things that I did with my father, and make an effort to sit down and really think about where I see the ride I’m taking my kids on is going. By that I mean I’m always trying to improve on myself, and my connection with my two boys. There is always something new to learn, there is always some way to grow, there is always some cool thing we can do that we haven’t done. But I think most importantly I try and make a conscious effort to think about where I see my own life heading in where my boys fit into that journey. Of course they have a front row seat, but that’s not always the best seat in the house because learning and growing is accompanied by painful decisions or uncomfortable situations. It’s always best to think about the way that your decisions could affect those around you, and on Father’s Day I try to envision the pros and cons of the steps that I take in respect to how they can benefit from them while being minimally affected by them.
In essence, Father’s Day to me is a day reserved for not only reflecting but also celebrating how far we’ve come since those early days when we couldn’t believe that this little tiny human being was 100% dependent on us… And we had no idea what we were doing! we were scared, we were angry, we were often frustrated by all the crying and diaper changing, but I think the most wonderful thing of all was we look down at this tiny individual and realize that we had no idea we were capable of loving something this much… it’s humbling. Holding my sons for the first time was, for me, the equivalent of taking all my hopes, dreams, fears, and joys and just for a moment… allowing myself to feel fragile, vulnerable and most importantly, to feel a love like I’ve never felt encompassing me… I promised so many things on those occasions and so far held firm to those promises. Fathers don’t Mother, that’s for sure, but we can and do love in a way that only fathers do… we each bring something to the table, so for today and every Father’s Day- let’s break bread together and celebrate all our frailties and vulnerabilities, our strengths and our tendency to protect… we are doing ok so far, but it’s only together that we’ll get there as the complete puzzle with the images of our families at their best fully visible and beautiful.. happy Father’s Day Dads (::)